: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
