no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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