I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
