Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
