May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
