He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
