I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
