Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The ass gains better be worth it
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