1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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