Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
third nipple confirmed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
