apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
