yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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