At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
