His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
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