I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
