i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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