I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
