Me. At least after what I've been through.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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