I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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