Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
