Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
