If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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