her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
