He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
