I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and she was petting her beer can
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
