ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
