So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
