If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
