You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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