do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
