On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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