i already hear my dad disowning me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
