I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
