I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
