Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
