Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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