a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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