he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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