this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
