i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
