guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
