I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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