Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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