he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
