I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
