wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
