Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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