People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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