I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
