Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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