It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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