loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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