my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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