hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
